This Is Love

by Todd Barriage

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02:49
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02:48
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03:10
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00:43
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credits

released June 22, 2014

All songs written by Todd Barriage except:
Track 5 written by Taking Back Sunday
Track 8 written by Todd Barriage and Nico De France
Track 10 written by Todd Barriage and Michael Sartor
Track 11 written by Spencer Lacavera and Todd Barriage

Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Todd Barriage at Borland Studio

borlandstudio.com

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Todd Barriage Quinte West, Ontario

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Track Name: This Is Love
So this is love: We'll settle for less, and we'll never change.
I can't wait to do this my whole life /s
If this is love, that's something I can't get behind.

You're near to me, no matter where you are or where you've been.
It's like you're hooked up to my mind.
It's like I'm designed to make the best of everything I am.
You're part of me now, and I can't stand to be without you.

I can't believe all the change this has done, and what you mean, to me.
I never thought this through. Now it's all I can say, it's all that I can do to admit I'm never enough.

You never said, "I love you" ... No, I never heard it once.
You see, I hate the way you hate yourself.
Like I hate the mess I was.

I never meant to love you, still I felt it quite enough.
See, I hate the way you hate yourself.
Like you hate the way you are.
Track Name: Makala (Bring It On)
"Tread lightly, I won't be here for very long. I see the snake you are."

Used to be.

"I won't believe a word you say, lies that you spin to get close to me."

I can't get through to you.

I might be just what you need. I could be wrong, but I see the way you are close to me. I don't believe that you're this way otherwise, because then why would I be here at all?

No matter how hard I'm thrown to the ground, I swear I'll get through to you.

I'll stay if you want. I'll leave if you need, but I'll be right beside you no matter how far you've gone. Believe it or not, I like what I see through all the mess inside you. If that's you worst, is that all you've got? Bring it on.
Track Name: Coward
You said, "Bullshit! Coward! I hate the way you make me feel like everything is fine. I can't believe I let you in. You're slimy and manipulative, and I can't stand the sight of you. Get out of my life, I want you gone."

But where am I to go? Back is a disaster, and forward without you is every bit as empty as my start. I've given this a lot of thought, you're all that I can think about after all, and I can't see you gone.

If it's the last thing that you ever hear me say, I swear to God I'll mean it till I die because I'm not the kid that hurt you. I'm not the lies I've made. I'm not the worst that you could do, I miss you every day.

And I said, Bullshit? Coward... I hate the way I made you feel like everything was fine. I can't believe you let me in. I'm scared, and I'm disinterested by everything I know but you. Please stay in my life, I want you...

"I want you gone."
Track Name: Always Praying
I miss you more than I can take
More than even I can fake
I see you in everything I am
In everything I wish I was

You see me for everything I am,
Everything I used to be
You say faith isn't real at all
Yet you haven't given up on me

I pray that that's enough to keep me where you want to be
What you want to see, who you want to sleep beside
I'm always praying

No matter what I say, the words just don't add up at all
Maybe that's the point of this...
It's the way that you make me forget the world
I couldn't care much less about the way I used to see it, now

I pray that that's enough
Track Name: Flicker, Fade
If you should change your name, I'll love you just the same
And if you should run away, I would save your place
So you can go, go, go... if you want to
I wouldn't try and stop you, 'cause I couldn't say I blame you

Flicker flicker fade,
Destroy what you create
And wonder why it always ends the same,
You wonder why it always ends the same

When I said, "I hate that song about fire and sex you love."
I couldn't tell you why, why I did it, why I lied
I know it's wrong, wrong, wrong... It's evil but true
It's what I want to bet you, so I can say I blame you

You live your life like you're not in control, like you're playing a role that says,

"You live your life like you're not in control, like you're playing a role
And wonder why it always ends the same"
Track Name: I'm Not Here Today
You take me for granted just 'cause you can
All that I can do is try to be the best that you can hold
But sometimes you just need more

I used to be stronger, and that is a fact
I used to be clever. What happened to that?
I used to be the biggest part of me
I used to imagine myself past 20, I drew up this image of what I could be
One day I got there... Why couldn't I stay?

I've been nowhere near as happy as I seem without you
I'm a mess. "So write another song."

I know I've been lower, I'll never go back.
I used to be worthless, but we've been over that...
I need a new point of view of me

If you make no mistakes, you'll make nothing of yourself
Selfish, so senseless, you are the epitome of my fears

If you take another day, I swear I'm gone away
"Sorry..."
...means nothing to me
"Can't you just wait one more-"
And I'm gone.

I've been nowhere near as happy as I seem without you
I'm a mess. "So write another song, one where the victim in you is wrong."
So here's your fucking song, where everything that I do is wrong.
Track Name: Eleven
You want a better life than I could give, that I could only dream to offer
You'll need a bigger man than I could ever be, that I could measure up to
I'll never measure up to what you need.
You'll figure that out soon, and you'll see right through me.

This makes me think, I can't keep living like this (not that I won't try)
This can't sleep, can't eat feeling is tearing out my mind.
Did I make it up?
Or am I blind?

You never wanted this, I remember you were pretty clear
And if I'm not mistaken here, I agreed wholeheartedly
Yeah, I never wanted this at all. I remember we were pretty clear.
If I'm not mistaken here, then... I was wrong.

Am I blind?
Track Name: The Worst In You
Since you won't hear me, let me tell myself the best way I know how
I'm as here as I am broken, and I could really use a fix...
I'm as present as I've ever been, here, wondering where you've gone
Can't you see me? I'm right here
Since you won't see me, I'll expose my selfish, senseless cloud of doubt
I'm as here as I am broken, and I'm right here

I'd feel safe just to know that everything is better now
And maybe you'd stay, just for once, and I won't be the burden you've come to know
I bring out the worst in you, "Yeah, you bring out the worst in me"
but circumstance aside, I'm glad to be...

I know the worst is in me still
But I'm making out just fine for something restless, worthless, cold...
It's probably up to God. Or up to chance.
That's up to you.

I'm as here as I am broken, why can't you see me?
I'm right here...

I'm as here as I am broken, I'm right here, and I am broken
I'm as here as I am broken, I'm here as I am. I'm right here.

I'd feel safe just to know that everything is better now
And maybe you'd stay, just for once, and I won't be the burden you've come to know
I bring out the worst in you, "Yeah, you bring out the worst in me"
but circumstance aside, I'm glad to be alive
Track Name: Premonition
none of your business
Track Name: These Restless Nights
You're distant, dismissive, abused. You're everything I hate about me: incessant, obsessive, confused.

You tell me that I'm everything I need to be... then why am I still sleepless, dreaming?

Oh, these restless nights that I spend away from you will be the death of me.

I'm open, expressive, renewed. There's nothing left of him about me: dishonest, malignant, and shrewd.

And the back of my mind, it screams, "I'm always fine, I'm never like this!"

I'm never like this, but maybe it's for the better the corners of my eyes are streams. I'm not alright, but I'm better like this.

I'm better like this.

Oh, these restless nights that I've spent away from you will be the death of me.
Track Name: All The Hate In The World
"Oh no," she said. "I've never been so new, I'll let you down. All I am is empty now."
Still, I wake up and look to the sun. I'll never blink once, lest I miss the time that you're around me.
And though I'll never be the one to say "forever," I'll know it all too well.
I'll know you inside out.
You've never been one to stay forgotten, so know I'll never leave
So long as you still want me

And all I know is left in you

"Oh no," she says to me. "I've lost myself in everything you are."
It's over now. This mask that I was supposed to be is breaking down.
Still, I put it on and let you see everyone I used to be.
Each ecstasy, each tragedy, they've never been a part of me.
I'll let you down...

All I know is left in you.